Dear Ms. I*****,

I am writing this deposition in defense of my dear, dear friend; Bess Jankowski.

I myself am Jewish, and I myself dated Bess for a period of time
starting back in July of 2003.  I would have to say that Bess is and
has never even been close to being anti-Semitic, a shiksa maybe, but
not anti-Semitic. I think Bess, over most anything else, is angered
over ignorance in any form, more than any other person I have ever
met.

Not only did I accept her into my life, but so did my family,
including my very Jewish mother, my very Jewish grandmother, and my
very Jewish aunt, whose house Bess herself has been an overnight guest
in.  Unfortunately, for me, we would never be together when the Jewish
holidays were around, but she would have been there to celebrate with
us.  I also had the pleasure of joining Bess and her family on
Christmas a year ago, and on that day and the numerous, and I mean
numerous other times I have spent with her mother, father, brother,
sister, and cousins, they have all been very accepting of me, and I
must say, adored me.  Sorry, had to add a little shameless self
promotion.

Now I may not be the most religious of people in the world, but I do
make a big fuss when I am in a store around Christmas and am told to
have a Merry Christmas as I leave -- it pisses me off beyond belief.
And I would be surprised if 90% of the Jews out there could even
pronounce my last name correctly, but I know satire when I see it, and
believe me, as soon as anything of the sort of things said come out of
Bess's mouth, it is most definitely that; satire.

For good measure, I think I should mention some small things that I
have come across since knowing Bess.  First off, while Judaism is a
religion, I believe that a culture has grown around it, and Bess
believes that she herself is Jewish, just on a cultural level, and she
embraces it, she even owns her own Star of David necklace. This year,
even though it was a joke at heart, Bess and I discussed having a
Chanukah block party in Washington Heights, since it was long overdue
for that area.  Of course, Bess actually still has some Yarmulkes from
my Bar-Mitzvah in her apartment that I brought by once, and we spent
half that day taking pictures of her cat wearing one, very nice
pictures.  In fact, I do believe her cat is Jewish, he is very
nebishy(sp).

Okay, I guess that is enough from me.  This ended up being much longer
than I expected.  Feel free to contact me via email if you would like
further information.

Sincerely,
M**** S******